March 5, 2001-March 12, 2001

Nicholas Ptolomy Fisanick was born on March 5, 2001 at 5:35 am at O'Bleness Memorial Hospital in Athens, Ohio. I couldn't sleep that night, so I got up to find something to eat--a rare occasional for me because I never eat at night. I sat down on the couch to find something on TV and I felt this enormous gush of blood. I got up off the couch and ran to the bathroom, screaming for my husband Nick to come help me. There was blood everywhere--all over the couch, all over the floor, and my socks were filled with blood. I was scared to say the least.

I called my doctor and her partner told me to come to the hospital. Within an hour after the bleeding started, they were rushing me into emergency surgery. They told me that they were going to have to operate and I asked why. They said they were going to deliver the baby. He was only 25 weeks gestation. I was so frightened, but Nick was there the whole time holding my hand. I had to be put under completely because of the blood loss, which amounted, I was later told, to about 2,000 units of blood.

I woke up 45 minutes later to find that I had a son and that he was in serious condition. They were life-flighting him via helicopter to Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, where he would be taken to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU). He would have to stay there until his due date, May 27th, at least. They did not expect him to live through the helicopter flight.

After I began my recovery, Nick drove the two hours alone in the dark to be with our son. I was so scared for him and Nicholas. My thoughts were only on them and on our future homecoming.

I was released from the hospital on Wednesday morning and Nick came back to get me so that we could both be with our son. All the way to Columbus, our minds were on Nicholas and how he was doing. He was in such bad condition. We hoped that our prayers and the prayers of others around the world would help keep us strong.

We spent all of our time with Nicholas, sitting by his bed for hours on end, talking to him and telling him family stories. He was so amazing, the way he fought to stay alive. Our first night there we were told to call our families, because Nicholas was dying. We stayed close to him, praying and crying, hoping he would recover and he did, but we were warned that it was probably only temporary. Indeed it was. Just six days after Nicholas was born his heart valve re-opened and his numbers dropped. His blood oxygen level dropped to 10% and he needed all of the ventillation and help he could get just to breathe. The nurses and doctors tried everything, but we were told and we could see that he was not going to make it--Nicholas, our sweet little bunny, was dying.

We could not stand to see him suffer any longer and we did not want to watch as each of his body systems died one by one. He had underdeveloped lungs, fetal circulation, and meconium peritonitus--all major complications that would prevent his survival. We stayed up all night talking about the toughest decision of our lives--whether or not to let him go. We talked to every doctor we coudl find and all of them confirmed that there was nothing else medical science could do for him. After much anguish and many tears, we decided to let him die peacefully.

At just around nine o'clock in the morning on Monday, March 12, a week after his birth, they unhooked Nicholas from all of the machines and tubes and placed him into our our arms. It felt so good to hold our son, but it also felt so bad to know that he was dying. We held him close, talking to him, caressing his forehead, and looking into his searching eyes. We both cried so hard, but knew we were doing the right thing. About fifteen minutes later, our little boy took his last breath and passed peacefully away. No words can describe the mixture of pain and joy that we felt knowing that he would finally be out of misery.

Nick took him from my arms and I screamed a scream only a mother can. It physically hurt to let him go, but I knew that he was no longer in that little body, but that he was gone and would live on in his father and my heart. He was so amazing. We will never forget him.